You guys this house is for sale! It needs some love.
You guys this house is for sale! It needs some love.
Anonymous said: What can people who do transition (and don't intend to detransition) can do to support detransitioners?
You’re really sweet; thank you for this thoughtful message.
I’m gonna assume you’re ftm and go from there.
I’d say the biggest thing is to understand—as I do—that we’re not enemies; we’re actually not fundamentally different from each other. We’re the same group of people. It’s not the case that detransitioners just aren’t and were never really trans people. We were. It’s not the case that you can pick out certain characteristics of a person and use them to predict who will stay transitioned; you can’t.
We have the same “stuff,” we’re just handling it differently at this moment. I used to be where you are, and under the right set of pressures I could go back. (I hope that never happens, because it would take something pretty heinous at this point to push me there, but I say this in the recognition that we’re not really different.) Likewise, you could find yourself where I am in the future. I think that knowledge underlies the real uneasiness that is usually present between our “two” groups.
Because while we’re not enemies, it can be really awkward to interact with each other. We have a lot of the same “stuff,” so we can trip each other’s wires very easily. I get that. I’m willing to own my part of that awkwardness and welcome ftms to own theirs. I look at mine pretty carefully and keep current with it as best I can. For me, the most volatile part is when I get triggered by interacting with old ways of thinking/self-concept that I have had to work very hard to get out of. I imagine for ftms it is probably something like, feeling threatened that a lot of what detransitioners talk about specifically names the pressures that these coping mechanisms are built to contain—and that’s no joke, people don’t make such sophisticated containers unless we have stuff that really requires it. My “stuff” was downright nuclear and it needed a serious containment protocol—so I get it. It’s actually generally not a good idea to discard any coping mechanism if you don’t have something adequate to replace it with. I learned that in trauma recovery and in recovery recovery; it’s quite applicable here, too.
This blog isn’t about trying to get ftms to detransition. That’s not my goal. I only offer my detransitioning ESH (experience, strength, and hope—12 step term) to women who ask for it because they have decided they want to do this. To ftms, I say—cope however you need to cope with this fucked up world, and know that I will be in your corner pulling for you to survive—while at the same time trying to help build a world with better options for us all. Because I do think it’s untenable that ftm transition is being medicalized in wholly irresponsible and dangerous ways—that scares me, and I care about that a lot. It’s not okay that we have been treated as “not even lab rats” and endangered by those who claim to be helping.
It might be offensive to you, but in my world these are terms of respect and recognition: I understand you as part of a tradition of passing women and I will always see you as my sister. Whatever images those words (women, sister) may evoke in dominant culture, in my meaning they have plenty of room for you, exactly the way you are right now, however that looks. I’m not talking about “gender” when I use those words; I’m talking about what you and I have in common. Neither of us were the daughter that our parents wanted and expected us to be. We weren’t what the world had in mind when it put those words and roles on us. But here we are. Any “incongruity” isn’t real. We’re real.
If ftms and detransitioners could bridge across that feeling of mutual threat and be real with each other—unguarded, disarmed, and radically honest—I wonder what we’d be capable of.
I’m not sure I answered your question, but I hope I haven’t alienated you too much and I hope you get that I care about you, too.
You were brave and generous to ask this and I appreciate it a lot.
Romanian folk costume has remained relatively unchanged and continues to be worn for festival occasions. The basic model for women consists of an embroidered blouse and skirt, belt, head scarf, and often a vest or jacket. As in many cultures, embroidery is placed at “vulnerable” areas of the body: the neck, cuffs, and hem, but also at the shoulders and sleeves as a symbol of strength. This example of a full festival costume is striking in the variation of blue tones and abundant embroidery. The coordination of the various components is symbolic of the pride and care given to folk traditions in Romanian culture.
France #day4 // baby guinea fowls 🐣 #france #guineafowl #farm #cuties (à Loire Valley)
straight people are terrifying they can go as far as to give the girl skeleton a pair of bone titties to indicate its a straight relationship
The salmon send their best assassin. [x]
Ok. I need to ask for donations.
I’m having some money problems atm I don’t have enough to meet my commitments. The main one being that I have an appointment at the gender clinic this Friday, but it’s in another city and I can’t afford the train fare. Also, I need to buy food and a bus pass and stuff like that.
But right now, the train fare is the main thing because transitioning is life saving for me and I can’t miss or reschedule that appointment, it’s really important I make it because my hormones are messed up (still) and it’s really screwing up my well being.
I don’t have a job and I can’t work anyway because of my mental health and my next benefit payment isn’t for another week. Anything you can spare would be amazing – just a dollar or a pound, please it would help me so much. Or signal boost me?
I can accept donations at my Paypal address firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you x
Aeryn is really lovely and and awesome person and she needs some helping out rn, so if you guys could reblog this post that’d be great <3 (bolded some stuff)